How to Remember and Honor Mercy Harper James

I am writing this on July 11, 2018.  It is the day my granddaughter should have turned 22.  

Mercy Harper James

Instead she died tragically and infuriatingly at the age of 19.  Tragically because no life should end so early when there is so much to live for.  Infuriatingly because addictions are so powerful and do such damage to the person with the addiction and to the family and friends who love the addict.

This year I realized my focus has been on my son and how this dramatic event has impacted his life.  I never gave myself time to grieve.  After being in Mexico last year for the Day of Dead, I realized it was important to remember those who have died and honor them in ceremony.

I love the concept of Day of Dead - death isn't hidden, no silly euphemisms like "he's passed" or she's late". As George Carlin said, "he's not late, he's not coming."  Death is accepted as the reality we all must accept and face and we must honor those who have died.  Since I left Christianity, I have missed liturgy.  Watching the most recent British Royal Wedding made me realize this.  Ceremony helps us mark the major events in our lives.

For the last several years I've been a member of the Ethical Society but it lacks liturgy and the local congregation had a recent falling out (we just can't seem to get away from human nature) with each side of the squabble accusing the other of being unethical.  Funny and ridiculous at the same time.  If ethicists can't find a way to compromise, who can?  So, I once again up and left.  (I've gotten way too good at doing that.)

I recently realized that it's time for me to grieve and remember dear, sweet Mercy.  

So, what to do today?  Off and on I've attended the Ekoji Buddhist Temple Thursday night meditation service.  I also try to meditate on a daily basis.  I remembered the meditation garden at the temple and decided to pay a visit.

As I was walking up to the temple I was met by a young woman who identified herself as Rose and said she was a volunteer gardener at the temple.  She walked with me up to the garden and showed me how to open and close the gate.  We also discussed how long she had belonged to the temple and why I was there.  She showed me a flyer for the Obon Festival being held this Saturday.  Now, I don't believe in Devine Intervention, but I do acknowledge serendipitous events.  The Obon Festival is the celebration and remembrance of the dead.  I hope to attend.  To learn more, here's the link.

https://ekojiobonfestival.weebly.com

As I had hoped, I found the walk through the garden relaxing, allowing for a form of meditation, and healing.  The serenity of this holy place allowed me to remember the few times I had with Mercy and how kind and gentle she was.  It's really tough being a long distance granny and getting to know your grandchildren.  Telephone conversations or FaceTime or just so 20th Century but short text messages are no substitute for a real dialogue. 

Here are some photos from the garden and temple grounds.

A statue of the founder of Shin Buddhism.  He was the first to say all should be able to learn about Buddhism, not just monks and nuns.

Views from the garden

This Japanese lantern was dedicated in 2004 to Mr. Yoshetera Numata in thanks for his dedication in buidling this temple and others throughout the world.

I suspect I will be returning from time to time to find the spiritual nurturing I need.  It was lovely to take the time to hold Mercy in my heart.