MY SPIRITUAL JOURNEY AND OTHER MUSINGS
This has been a fun exercise for me. It began as a letter to someone who has been praying for my soul on FaceBook. I got him to be a little less public since some of his posts were stirring up trouble among some of his fellow believers - you know the type, willing to attack those they disagree with - and take our exchanges to Messenger. That didn’t work out so well. As we say down south “bless his heart” (When said by a southerner you're really saying "he's as dumb as a box of rocks".) he is incapable of a real discussion because he cannot explain his beliefs and how he arrived at them. He just sends simplistic pablum from You Tube or similar sources. He believes Trump was sent from God to “save” the US (from what he can never explain) and that Trump has made the US great again but he never gives an example of how. He finally admitted that he wasn’t reading my responses because they were from the Devil.
I struggled most of my life and never found belief in a supernatural power that influences activities on our tiny planet in a vast universe or an after-life and I am now comfortable admitting in public that I am a secular humanist. I avoid the term "atheist" because of its focus on the negative - what I don't believe in - while the term "secular humanist" is a positive statement about the unique commonality of all humanity. As the number increases for non-believers the stigma of being one is dimensioning. I admit it took a very long time for me to go public because of fear, of what I’m not so sure - maybe ostracism, condemnation, who knows.
I have been a member of the Northern Virginia Ethical Society for almost 10 years. I strongly believe ethics matter and in our saying: “Deeds, not creed.”
MY BIOGRAPHY
I was raised Presbyterian at Trinity in Sherman (the northern Presbyterian church, there were two southern congregations in town) and became an Episcopalian my junior year at North Texas State. Seems Dr. Nichols’ class on the Renaissance & Reformation was informally called Dr. Nichols’ confirmation class by the history faculty as I was not the first to become an Episcopalian after taking his class. How he managed to get 50% of his students to switch is still baffling to me because it was so subtle. He definitely wasn’t preaching, just teaching the history. The Sunday I was confirmed into St. Barnabas’ Episcopal Church I had to go down to the altar. On my way back to my seat I looked up at the choir in the balcony and there was Dr. Nichols smiling down at me. I had no idea he was a member.
I first confronted doubt in high school while attending the Presbyterian summer camp at Lake Texoma. The youth minister approached me and said he thought I should go to seminary - I would be a wonderful minister. I panicked because deep down I knew I was just going through the motions - I knew them all - but I was full of doubt and concerned that there was something wrong with me because everyone seemed to believe and I didn’t. Now I wonder how many others were just going through the motions because that’s what our culture expected.
Thus, began a five decades search for faith. I did everything to “obtain or increase” my faith: Seventeen years on the Altar Guild, Lay Eucharistic Ministry, Good Samaritans, Order of St. Luke, Cursillo (If you’re not familiar with some of these terms, I’m sure you can do a Google search), hospital chaplain (fascinating experience in northern VA because of the diverse community and being taught all of the cultural differences in dealing with death - who got immediate access to the body for ritual cleansing in the hospital, etc.), volunteer at the National Cathedral as an usher at Sunday afternoon concerts and Compline leader on Thursday nights, and finally four years taking Education for Ministry through the Episcopal Seminary at Swanee. This is a prelude to going to seminary which I actually considered doing.
Between managing law firms, I also worked as a parish administrator, first at a small parish in Alexandria and later four years at St. John’s Lafayette Square - 3,000 members and right across from the White House. Yep - the one Trump used as a back drop in his photo op. He was actually standing in front of the administrative/educational building and the boarded up window (for protection not because it was broken) on the left in the photo was where my desk was. I had a lovely view of Lafayette Square, the safest park in DC - half of the “homeless” are Secret Service.
While working there I attended services with Pres. Clinton (he came on good golfing days to the 8 o’clock service, rainy days he went at 11 am with Hillary just down the street to Foundry Methodist) and both Pres. Bushes, who came together on occasion. I was on a first name basis with the Presidential Detail of the Secret Service because they had to contact me the night before any President was going to show up. Security measures had to be put in place. Strange being in a worship service knowing a sharp shooter was on the roof and German Shepherds were in the basement. Poor dogs - part of the drill was them having to sniff EVERYTHING including my desk drawer where I kept my dress shoes. That’s a DC thing because when commuting in by train you do not want to be wearing your heels.
My final break from Christianity came on 9/11 (more about that later). I accidentally found the Ethical Society after a decade of not being a member of any congregation. One of the partners at my last law firm was speaking there and I had never heard him, so I went and I stayed. By law we are considered a religion. This is not really all that unusual - Buddhism is also a non-theistic religion. We function very much like any church congregation - Sunday school, ritual, music and a talk. I pledge annually and give weekly to whatever charity has been designated. We have a Caring Committee that functions just like the Episcopal Good Samaritans, a summer camp for the kids, a co-ed equivalent to the Boy/Girl Scouts called The Navigators, etc.. Everyone needs community and it was great finding like minded people. I no longer felt there was something wrong with me. I also realize that QAnon is also offering community. We must choose wisely.
The following sections were written to address comments from the FB guy. Some of the questions may be strange to my fellow non-believers.
WHAT IS TRUTH?
FB guy claims to have THE TRUTH and says he loves and prays for everyone all over the world every day. Turns out what he is praying for is that all accept his definition of “truth” - not exactly a loving acceptance of all people. He wants everyone to be just like him.
Let’s talk about “truth.” Almost 2 billion individuals on the planet find their “truth” in the Koran, a little over 1 billion find “truth” in the Vidas of the Hindu faith, ½ billion in the Buddhavacana, or other sutras and shastras of Buddhism, and 2.2 billion Christians in the Bible. Isn’t what you follow just as much a factor of what culture you were born into than anything else? For example, if someone had been born of Hindu parents in India, don’t you suppose he/she would be Hindu?
As a side note, one of my dear friends in Virginia is a retired Army Major and active Episcopalian. She did 2 tours in So. Korea and she and her Army husband ended their careers with a joint assignment in Germany. She jumped out of helicopters on a routine basis. She also believes in Big Foot. Belongs to the national association, spends lots of time and money traveling to conventions to hear the news about the latest sightings, and doing her own hunting. That’s her truth - she knows Big Foot exists and it’s just a matter of time before there is confirmation. I’m fine with this - it’s a harmless belief. Membership is open to all, they don’t promote persecuting non-believers, and they don’t claim they are being persecuted by non-believers. They’ve never advocated going to war against non-believers. Can’t say that about Christians - remember the Crusades, the 30 Years War, the Irish Troubles, etc.
At least she’s not a member of The Flat Earth Society. There are people who claim the earth is flat - that is their “truth” and the movement began as an example of "Biblical-literalist theology: The earth is flat because the Bible says it is flat, regardless of what science tells us.” There are 34 mentions of the “ends of the earth” in the Old Testament, beginning with Deuteronomy 33:17, and 5 in the New Testament, ending with Acts 1:8. It’s true you can’t have an “end” if you have a sphere or globe.
Let’s assume, for the sake of argument, that a spiritual being sent Jesus to earth. Why not also assume this spirit sent The Buddha, Confucius, or Shinran Shonin? If only 1 of these spiritual leaders was THE ONE why did the spiritual being not do a better job of having the “truth” accessible to all? Even with Christian missionaries traveling all over the world, billions of people still follow other religions. Do you believe the billions on the planet today and the millions more who died before Jesus was on the earth and those who died following their culture’s religion are all in hell? What kind of a loving God is that?
ARE CHRISTIANS PERSECUTED AND THE 1ST AMENDMENT
I wish someone would explain to me how Christians in the US are being persecuted, if that’s what is believed. If I say “Happy holidays!” how are you hurt? Must I say Merry Christmas because some say I must even to all of my non-Christian friends? Has anyone told Christians you can’t go to church or where to go to church? Of course, the pandemic restricted in-person services but many attended drive-up or Zoom services. Non-believers are the fastest growing group in the US but how does that persecute believers? We’ve seen the excuse of being persecuted used to actually persecute others through laws allowing Christians to discriminate against gays, etc. even if running a business “open to the public.”
Remember I live in a very diverse community. My condo of over 4000 residents is like living at the UN. In fact, many of my neighbors work for their country’s US embassies. That’s why our annual pot-luck supper is so fantastic. Everyone comes in native dress and brings samples of their cuisine. I’m in cowboy boots, etc., and bring chili. Just on ½ of my floor, I have neighbors from China, Bolivia, and El Salvador. The family from Pakistan returned home before the travel ban during the pandemic but I’m sure the embassy, which owns the unit, will send another family over when it’s safe to travel. Three doors down is a fellow Texan and his wife. He’s retired Air Force, grew up in Ft. Worth, and was at North Texas State University same time I was there. Small world.
If religious symbols are allowed in government buildings - 10 Commandments in court houses, Nativity Scenes on public lands, etc., how is that not showing government preference for 1 religion over all the others. Would Christians be OK with a statue of The Buddha in every public school classroom?
WHAT TO BELIEVE IN THE BIBLE AND MUSINGS ABOUT MY PARENTS
It seems to me that most believers in the Bible are very good at picking and choosing what they believe. For example, I know of no Christian denomination that requires women to cover their heads when in prayer. See 1st Corinthians 11:5. Actually, St. Paul takes it even further - women should not cut their hair.
Catholics used to require head coverings but I think that fell by the wayside at Vatican II. I had to wear a mantilla to be confirmed in the Episcopal Church. I was in Dallas and the Bishop was very “high church” so it was a local requirement. That’s a New Testament example of picking & choosing what to do.
Seems most of the Old Testament, except finding an excuse to persecute homosexuals, is ignored. See Leviticus 12:2. I don’t know any women today, except Orthodox Jews, who follow this. I only recently became aware that some female Jews still practice ritual bathing when there was a scandal at one of the leading synagogs in DC. The rabbi was caught surreptitiously filming women taking their ceremonial cleansing baths. According to Matthew 5:17 Jesus did not come to overthrow the law. So how can New Testament Christians not follow all of the rules and regulations in the Old Testament? Do you keep a Kosher kitchen? Eat pork and shell fish?
By the way, my mother was Southern Baptist (my father was the Presbyterian) and could site chapter and verse on why getting rid of slavery was the end of our country and western civilization. See Titus 2:9. She had a fit when she found out that a church camp I attended had Andrew Young as the camp director. I had been elected to represent our Synod (Presbyterian for diocese) at the camp so Mother didn’t have any say in picking it. This was the first interdenominational/interracial camp in TX. My bunk mate was a black girl from Texarkana and a member of the Church of Christ. It was such a learning experience to hear how different her life was from mine. Andrew was with the United Council of Churches then. He went on to have an amazing career. If you’re too young to know who he is, please look him up.
During this camping event, everyone read Black Like Me by John Howard Griffin, about a White southerner who passed as Black and reported on how he was treated. A horrifying story. To say this week changed my life is such an understatement.
After the camp Rev. Hendrix let me give the sermon at Trinity as a rehearsal for the one I was to give at the next Synod Youth meeting. I gave a real hellfire and damnation stem-winder about why everyone had to embrace integration. At the end of the service I stood next to the minister but most of the congregation refused to shake my hand. When all had left, he looked down at me and said “There is nothing like the intolerance of the tolerant.” Something I’ve struggled with all my life. I struggled in trying to be respectful of the positions taken by the guy on FB but I didn’t sense he was doing the same. See comment above about my writings being from the Devil - that's a clue.
Mother was mortified following my sermon. Her moral creed was "What will the neighbors think?" She knew I would be the talk of the town the following day. My dad couldn't have been prouder.
I've often wondered what kept those 2 together. They were so different. As stated previously Mother was Southern Baptist. Daddy was raised in the northern branch of the Presbyterian Church (stayed with the north during the Civil War) and was very active in the church, serving on the Board of Elders and as Sunday School Superintendent. One Sunday while the organist was playing the prelude everything came to a halt. The music stopped, people froze in place. We sitting in our pew down front so we turned around to see what was happening. There was this petit Black woman all dressed up standing in the front door. Seeing that the ushers were not moving, my father got up, went to her, offered her his arm and brought her to sit with us. Two families got up and left and never returned. Mother again was mortified (she attended services with Daddy because that's what married ladies did even though in her heart of hearts she was not Presybeterian). Sorry, but I can't remember the woman's name but she became a member of the congregation -- keep in mind this was the early 1960's -- and great friends with my father. She had just moved to my home town from Chicago where she had belong to 4th Street Presbyterian, the closest thing to a cathedral the denomination has in the US. Very formal, ushers in morning coats and white gloves, etc. Her husband had died and her only living relatives were in Sherman. She said she had gone to church with her relatives but "just couldn't stand all that shouting."
Another 2 stories about my father - he was my hero. He was very active in the Lions Club and held every office at one time or another. He was instrumental in getting the 2 high school coaches in football (Black high school and the White one) to come talk to the club in late August to present their hopes and plans for the next academic year. The Black coach's team had won state for the last 2 years. The White team had been in the bottom of the district for those 2 years. At the end of the talk, the Black coach, who must have been REALLY brave, looked at the White coach and invited him and his team to come workout with his Black team any time they wanted. By the next year the schools were intergrated and not by court mandate but because football is the 1 true religion in Texas and the White town fathers wanted a winning team more than they wanted to keep segregation.
My first knowledge of segregation came when I went to the 1st grade. Up until then mother's maid had been allowed to bring her son, who was my age, and we played together. I remember a photo of us in my sand box but I have no idea what happened to it. After I entered public schools I was never allowed to see my Black playmate again. When I asked why, mother would just say it's just not done. I wish I had asked my father but I never did and I bet he never knew that the boy had been allowed to come to our house. I suspect he would have said it was perfectly fine for him to keep coming.
My father was a Mason and my mother was in the Order of the Eastern Star. For some reason my father had achieved a high ranking (there are 33degrees in the Masons and I have no idea which one he was, I just know it was high) but no longer attended meetings. Mother remained very active and was the Worthy Matron (presiding officer) at one time. She insisted I join the Rainbow Girls. I knew nothing about the organization (it's all very hush-hush) but I showed up in a full-length formal gown the night of my initiation. For the first time I could see who the other members were. There was a long ceremony that involved walking to the tips of the "Eastern Star" and repeating a bunch of vows, etc. Finally I was "in". Then they proceeded to hold a business meeting that included voting on a roster of nominees for membership. As each name was called out, each member rose and walked to the voting box and put in either a white or black marble. Everyone was voted in except a girl who had just won the election at school to be a cheerleader during the next year. There was one black vote when she was voted on preventing her from being a member (thus the meaning of being "black balled"). Everyone assumed the negative vote was made by the defeated candidate for cheerleader. When I got home and told my parents what had happened and if that was supposed to be a Christian organization, I wanted nothing to do with it, and I announced I'd never return. Mother was furious, father was again very proud.
FB guy said he believes in the Bible - I wondered which version? I prefer the Jerusalem Bible for its clarity of language (J.R.R. Tolkien helped with the translation) but also use the RSVT Catholic Edition - both are used by the Catholic Church. These versions contain seven Deuterocanonical Books omitted from Protestant versions: Tobit, Judith, the Wisdom of Solomon, Sirach (the Wisdom of Ben Sira, also known as Ecclesiasticus), Baruch including the Letter of Jeremiah as chapter 6, and 1 and 2 Maccabees; and extra portions of two other books: the Additions to Esther; and the Prayer of Azariah and the Song of the Three Jews inserted between verses 23 and 24 of Daniel 3, Susanna as Daniel 13, and Bel and the Dragon as Daniel 14. Over and above these books and extra portions, the Bible of Greek and Slavonic Orthodox Christians includes 1 Esdras, the Prayer of Manasseh, Psalm 151, and 3 Maccabees. The Slavonic Bible also contains 2 Esdras, and an appendix to the Greek Bible includes 4 Maccabees.” (It’s fun to show off!)
What about the gospels that got left out? The final canon was established before the First Council of Nicaea. While there is no recorded vote, it was understood what “books” were to be considered in the “Bible” and which were not approved. Keep in mind there were no printing presses in 325 AD and some congregations had a bunch of scrolls and others could only obtain a few, so what was considered “must have”? The earliest churches existed before any of the New Testament had been written so they had to rely on oral history. When scriptures were written copies were made by hand and LOTS of errors were made as more and more copies were made, it was hard to know if you were reading an accurate version. Finding the “origin” text was becoming harder to do and very important. Lots of archeologists have made careers out of finding original biblical text. The finding of the Dead Sea Scrolls was a huge deal but there have been many other findings. Back to my friend who used to jump out of helicopters. She also has undergraduate and graduate degrees in archeology and is currently a member of BASANOVA - Biblical Archeological Society of Northern Virginia. It’s a great organization for staying current on all of the research going on now.
The King James version reflected the poetic language of the time. Over most front doors of Episcopal churches is “Be silent and know that I am God.” I saw this first at St. Stephen’s in Sherman. Wonder if it’s still there? It’s a lovely call to enter the sanctuary quietly. The original Hebrew is much more direct and emphatic - “Shut up, I’m God.” (Psalm 46:10)
Examples of the many Gospels omitted are the Gospel of Saint Thomas the Apostle, who traveled all the way to India and came back talking about the “god within” - ops! Sounds like he met some Buddhists on his travels - and The Gospel of Mary with too many examples of women in leadership roles in the early church. The bishops of the early church would have none of that. Fun fact - the 1st European Christian was a woman named Lydia. Ever wonder how Paul managed to make all those trips? Seems St. Paul had a real knack for finding rich widows to fund his travels, in addition to the money he earned doing odd jobs. If alive today I'm pretty sure he'd give Joel Osteen a run for his money. Also, keep in mind he never met Jesus and definitely was not an eye witness to any of the stories.
The story of a virgin birth is not unique to Christianity. In fact it was common for followers of various prophets before and after Jesus to make the claim. Prior to Jesus other prophets (Yes, I accept the historical reality that Jesus lived, preached, and had followers and have read most of the books by the members of the Jesus Seminar.) just didn’t have a means to spread their teachings. In ancient times it was unusual to travel far from where you were born. It was the development of the Roman Empire and its extensive network of roads and garrisons that made travel safe. Jesus’ followers could spread the word when prior followers of other prophets couldn’t. Timing is everything, as they say.
Some Catholics believe the Holy Family were all born of virgins - Mary, Joseph, the grandparents, etc. not sure how far back it’s supposed to go. Boy, Catholics seem really hug up about sex.
The story of The Buddha’s birth from the side of his mother didn’t get spread around until 500 years after his death. There are as many sects in Buddhism as denominations in Christianity and only some of these sects believe this birth story. It was 50 years after Jesus’ crucifixion that the virgin birth story was first widely in circulation. Again, oral history was how Christianity first spread and, just like in the game of gossip, stories change, get embellished, etc. The Gospel of Mark was the first one written and it begins with Jesus’ baptism. You’d think there would be mention of a virgin birth if it was part of the narrative at the time of the writing. Scholars have dated the writing of this book at between 65 and 75 AD and not written by Mark.
I wonder if any Christians have any qualms about the fact that NONE of the New Testament was written by eye witnesses? Again, it all came from the oral traditions and the first writings didn’t appear until 50 years after the fact.
As previously mentioned, it was 9/11 that got me to finally give up and leave Christianity for good. I saw religion being used as the excuse to attack the World Trade Center, the Pentagon (I had several friends who just barely got out alive and one Army major we didn’t hear from for 48 hours - she was working triage in the center court yard of the Pentagon - she’s now an Episcopal priest) and 1 plane probably headed to the Capitol, all in retaliation for the Crusades and other crimes by western civilization - revenge can have a long memory. I heard televangelists, specifically Pat Robertson, claiming our nation was attacked because we weren’t persecuting homosexuals.
WHY DO ALL CULTURES HAVE A RELIGION?
I started pondering why all cultures have religions. Here’s what I came up with as an explanation:
All religions started out simply trying to answer 2 basic questions: How did we get here and where are we going?
Every religion has creation stories. I especially like the 1 about the earth being put in place, riding on the back of a giant tortoise. I recall it comes from 1 of the Hindu sects. Which creation story do you prefer? Genesis has 2.
Then there are all the after-life stories - Valhalla, Nirvana with reincarnation getting you there, and Heaven and Hell.
Then priests, ministers, rabbis, shamans, medicine men, etc., discovered they could get a following by telling people how to get to Valhalla, etc. and humans would pay them and they could control their followers. Drink the cool aide! Make Joel Osteen a multimillionaire! No need to think for yourself, the priest, etc. will do it for you.
With this understanding of how to control followers, it was easy to suppress women and justify war, just two horrible results common to all religions. There are no pacifist religions - Hindus have been slaughtering Muslims for centuries, Buddhists are committing genocide against the Rohingya in Myanmar, formerly Burma, right now. I’ve previously mentioned a few of the wars Christians justified using religion.
ADDENDUM (1/11/23) The leader of the Russian Orthodox Church has been a strong supporter of Putin's brutal and criminal invasion of Ukraine. Guess who is now a multimillionaire?
WAS TRUMP SENT FROM GOD?
A recent Ethical Society talk was dealing with people who believe magical thinking. Basically you can’t so why bother BUT if they are friends stay in the friendship just don’t discuss what they believe.
If Trump was sent by a supernatural power, why now? For argument sake, let’s assume a god sent Trump. Didn’t this omnipresence being also send the COVID virus? Maybe having the most corrupt, incompetent leader of the free world would guarantee that the virus would do massive damage. How else do you explain Trump’s constant insistence that everyone ignore the experts’ guidelines and get out there and spend money, increasing their likelihood of getting the disease and possibly dying. Over 1 million peopled died in the US under Trump's leadership.
THE ENVIRONMENT
In Genesis we are instructed to be “stewards” of the earth. Does that mean it’s OK to destroy the earth. Every day another 150 species become extinct. A study in September showed that nearly 3 billion birds have been lost in North America since 1970, a 29 percent drop in the United States and Canada. Fewer sparrows and finches are visiting bird feeders every year, the study said. And the flutelike song of the western meadowlark is fading to silence. Would a god who created all be happy with this? If not, is the virus and extreme weather events just god’s way of reducing the human population so we can’t continue to do so much damage? I tend more to it being Mother Earth re-establishing a balance in nature or nature protecting nature.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Do I think the FB posts about me are inappropriate - yes I do. Actually, the posts make me think of the Pharisees praying in public (see Matthew 23). Just a great show of being holier than thou. Self -righteousness is not very becoming. Surely this person can find a like-minded group to post on and leave my News Feed alone. As of this writing, we are no longer FB friends so this particular problem has gone away but I still get the occasional text message from him and I choose to just ignore them.
The way to not be controlling is to recognize the way you feel about a certain experience represents you and only you. And so you can’t project your feelings/experience onto anyone else, much less plan or decide things for others based on your projections. They feel what they feel - their choice. Last year I rewatched A Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Universe” and heard a great line “Do you want to be happy or right?” The lesson is sometimes it just isn’t worth arguing or even trying to have a discussion with someone who refuses to listen or even explain why they believe what they believe. Thanks for reading this. Hope it’s given you food for thought. I feel better!
“When I start mistrusting what I think, I am moving from information to wisdom.”
Excerpt From Meditations for People Who (May) Worry Too Much by Anne Wilson Schaefhttps://books.apple.com/us/book/meditations-for-people-who-may-worry-too-much/id707351614This material may be protected by copyright.
ADDENDUM posted on July 13, 2021
Recent news reports are showing a continuing trend of the country turning secular. This seems to be triggering a religious backlash going to extremes in demands for establishing a "Christian nation." Over the July 4th holiday Hobby Lobby ran ads in several newspapers calling for such and the Washington Post had a front page article on July 12th about a large evangelical congregation in Ft. Worth, TX, promoting the same idea.
Here are links to these stories:
New study shows dramatic gap in religious diversity between the Southeast and much of the country
New poll studied a half-million people over six years and found rising influence in both political parties of the religiously unaffiliated.
By Michelle Boorstein
AN AMERICAN KINGDOM
https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2021/07/11/mercy-culture-church/
ADDENDUM posted on November 12, 2021
I found an essay by someone raised Catholic who now identifies as a humanist. Found it very positive. He points out atheism is all about what you don't believe, humanism focuses on what we believe and do.
https://thehumanist.com/commentary/journeys-to-humanism-an-enlightened-catholic-education
ADDENDUM posted on December 10, 2021
Just read this excellent explanation of how to answer a typical question about how do humanists have moral values: https://thehumanist.com/commentary/the-gods-honest-truth-about-humanism
ADDENDUM posted on January 11, 2023
Last night I began a Zoom history class on Ethical Culture and it's founder Felix Adler. He was a very brave man who could have had a no-conflict life-long career by following in his father's footsteps as the Rabi at Temple Emanuel in Manhattan. Instead he admitted he didn't believe in a diety and wanted to start a non-theistic congregation.
The foundation of his belief system was the equality and dignity of all human beings.
During our Q&A discussion at the end of the class, someone commented on how hard it was to attract new members when we can't promise an eternal life in Heaven. The leader responded that it was true we make no promises. I spoke up and said if everyone based their actions on the belief that all humans are worthy of equal treatment we could promise a just society.
ADDENDUM begun on December 5, 2024
Several events happened closely together so that I found myself needing spiritual grounding. I believe that is possible without having to believe in dieties or magically thinking. 1st event -- I returned to AA. More about that later. 2nd event -- a tiff occurred at the Northern Virginia Ethical Society, people being human, things like this happen, but what was most disappointing was when leadership tried to intervene it wasn't to provide ethical guidance. This got me reflecting on my years as a member of this organization. I have met some wonderful people who have become great friends, I have seen community support for good causes, but upon reflection I realized I had not been exposed to teachings on how to lead an ethical life on a day-to-day basis. 3rd event -- I returned to the Ekoji Buddhist Temple.
This is not my 1st time in AA but previously all the "god talk" drove me away. To my ears, I heard a lot of magical thinking -- God keeps me from drinking because I've turned my life over to God, etc. and a lack of personal responsibility. I returned with an understanding that I could "translate" the 12 Steps into my own spiritual view. Turns out there are a lot of others doing the same thing -- there's a northern VA agnostic AA meeting, there are lots of books being written by alcoholics who have found their own meaning in the 12 Steps.
A desire to learn how to meditate got me back to Ekoji's Thursday night meditation sessions and I met someone there who has been an active member of AA for 40 years. I've also started taking classes on Buddhism and found an on-line Buddhist Recovery Meeting, while not an official AA meeting because it uses non-AA reading materials, it's still extremely helpful. I consider it my Buddhist Book Club. We're currently reading One Breath at a Time by Kevin Griffin.
One of the questions I had my first time in AA was why so many "old timers" were still attending meetings - see the mention of the gentleman with 40 years in AA. Now I understand the power of Step 12 - service to others. The longer you are sober, the more you are expected to do. As I write this I have a little over 4 months of sobriety but I already have my first service position - I'm the greeter at a 7 AM meeting.
Since I'm now practicing meditation every morning, it has brought back memories of the 7 day silent retreat I went on to help me decide if I wanted to accept the offer of a transfer to DC. I went to Lebh Shomea House of Prayer located on the Gulf Coast near Sarita just south of Corpus Christi on property that had once been part of the Kennedy Ranch, 2nd only to the King Ranch in size. The main ranch house, which could have been used in the movie Giant, and part of the grounds had been bequeathed to the Missionary Oblates of the Catholic Church.
A nun met me at the gate far from the big house and guided me down a long dirt road using lots of hand jesters and pointing to the bulletin board with instructions on how to find my private cabin, when meals were served, etc. Because it was a silent retreat there was absolutely no talking allowed with one exception -- if you attended the 7 am mass any day of the week you could turn to the person sitting next to you and share what you had learned from the Gospel reading. I chose not to go so for 7 days I lived in total silence - no radios, TV, music, etc. - except for the afternnon that a guy riding a huge lawn mower came by. I really wanted to kill him.
My cabin named for St. Paul had a bedroom, bath, and private chapel/office. This was before e-readers, so I had brought a huge satchel full of books. Thank goodness I was there in March because there was no air conditioning even though is was really starting to get hot. How anyone survived during the summer, I have no idea but there was an attic fan that could make your hair stand up straight and pull the fillings out of your teeth. I only turned it on once and immediately turned it off.
There was a trail from the cabins down to the beach. I never found them, but there were monks living on the beach in mud cones shaped like teepees. Nuns brought them their meals but never saw the monks.
Obviously the center didn't care if you were Catholic or not and the cost for the private cabin and 3 meals a day was $25/day. If you stayed a month or more - there was 1 woman who had retired there - you were given daily chores to do such as preparing meals or cleaning.
I regret that this retreat center no longer exists but because the main house was the home of the largest religious library in the US west of the Mississippi River, it is now a graduate school for religious studies. Even while I was there I decided many of the other guests were religious scholars from all over the world since I found them working away in the library.
Dear Eugenia - Thanks so much for sharing your story and your thoughts. - Randy Best
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